haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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