Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
