yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
