I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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