I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
