i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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