im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
