if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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