Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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