upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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