all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Farmville is her only friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
