Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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