12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He did a backflip because drugs
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