I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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