My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
