I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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