some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
