Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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