New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize