I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
