my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
