dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
