Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
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I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
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