Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
