Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shame is for Republicans.
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