I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize