You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
