Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
