It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
where are you?
Hypothermia
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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