a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
