I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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