So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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