he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
