I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
