you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
