I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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