So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
