Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
