I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
