I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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