I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I think my moral compass just broke
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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