Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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