So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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