party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
