You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
