How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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