I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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