Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
