I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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