Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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