you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
