I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
