I look better un-naked...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
