i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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