there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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