So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
