so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
