dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I had to cum in my sink.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
